What is green and has wheels?
Grass, I lied about the wheels.

@ Grey Wolf: you see the same thing with C++ as you would with C. The difference is your sight is cluttered with duplicate features.

News flash: a chicken crossed the road, with as of yet unknown motives!

A horse walks into a bar
Barman says "Why the long face?"


The horse replies "My mum died this morning".

A blonde walks into a bar. She didn't see it coming.

I'm going to stop know.


Why did the little boy drop his lollipop?
He got hit by a car.


I like my coffee like my women.
Without a penis.



Seriously, I'm going to stop now.

Grey Link wrote:
My mum died this morning

Mums are inanimate objects, but they're certainly quite noisy when everyone in school is wearing one for homecoming.

Maybe one of the best joke threads on here.

If John has 50 candy bars and he eats 45 how many does he have?
Diabetes. John has diabetes.

Where did Susie go during the bombing?
Everywhere.

A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks, "Why the long face?"
The horse does not respond because it is a horse. It can neither speak nor understand English. It is confused by its surroundings and gallops out of the bar, knocking over a few tables.

So a man walks into a bar,
And slowly starts tearing his family apart with his serious alcoholism.

What's better than winning gold in the special Olympics?
Not being retarded.

What's sad about 4 black people driving off a cliff?
They were my friends.

Your mama is so fat,
Your father now finds her unattractive and their relationship is in trouble.

How do you make a plumber cry?
Kill his family.

What do you call a kid with one arm, one leg, and an eye patch?
Names.

There's an Irishman, a Jew, and a homosexual standing at a bar...
What a fine example of an integrated community.

Knock knock.
Jehovah Witnesses

Anti-jokes are the best.

One of my all-time yo momma favorites:

Yo momma's so fat, she twice the man you are!

ResidenBiscuit wrote:
What do you call a kid with one arm, one leg, and an eye patch? Names.

*throws confetti*

I like my coffee like I like my women, ground up and in the freezer.

What's the best part of doing twenty nine year olds? There's 20 of them.

What's the difference between Jam and Jelly? You can't jelly a dead hooker into a trash compactor.

What did the lawyer say to the other lawyer?
We are both lawyers.

What would George Washington do if he were alive today?
Scream and scratch at the top of his coffin.

Why do black people eat fried chicken?
Because it tastes good.

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
Where's my tractor?

What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car?
Get in the car.

How many dead babies can you fit in a bath tub?
17.

Why are black people so good at basketball?
Dedication and hard work.

Wow...I've been reported. Was it because I said penis?

A penis is no laughing matter.

Catfish3 wrote:
A penis is no laughing matter.

...and they are no good for stirring coffee!

Why does society still refer to people by their skin color?
We're all still racist.

Grey Wolf wrote:
...and they are no good for stirring coffee!

Taste is subjective, my friend!

Catfish3 wrote:
Taste is subjective, my friend!

Do you like cream in your coffee then?

Grey Wolf wrote:
Do you like cream in your coffee then?

Who said I like coffee?
But I do enjoy Mountain Dew, which is as close to piss as you can get.

i know this was a while ago but i would like to apologize to lb. i completely missed the oop humor

what do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn't matter what you call it because its not coming

I'm fairly certain I understand why my last post was reported.

i think it was cause u threw confetti