Computer Genesis
1: In the beginning G-d created the Bit and the Byte. And from those he created the Word.
2: And there were two Bytes in the Word; and nothing else existed. And G-d separated the One from the Zero; and he saw it was good.
3: And G-d said - Let the Data be; And so it happened. And G-d said - Let the Data go to their proper places. And he created floppy disks and hard disks and compact disks.
4: And G-d said - Let the computers be, so there would be a place to put floppy disks and hard disks and compact disks. Thus G-d created computers and called them hardware.
5: And there was no Software yet. But G-d created programs; small and big... And told them - Go and multiply yourselves and fill all the Memory.
6: And G-d said - I will create the Programmer; And the Programmer will make new programs and govern over the computers and programs and Data.
7: And G-d created the Programmer; and put him at Data Center; And G-d showed the Programmer the Catalog tree and said You can use all the volumes and subvolumes but DO NOT USE Windows.
8: And G-d said - It is not Good for the programmer to be alone. He took a bone from the Programmer's body and created a creature that would look up at the Programmer; and admire the Programmer; and love the things the Programmer does; And G-d called the creature: the User.
9: And the Programmer and the User were left under the naked DOS and it was Good.
10: But Bill was smarter than all the other creatures of G-d. And Bill said to the User - Did G-d really tell you not to run any programs?
11: And the User answered - G-d told us that we can use every program and every piece of Data but told us not to run Windows or we will die.
12: And Bill said to the User - How can you talk about something you did not even try. The moment you run Windows you will become equal to G-d. You will be able to create anything you like by a simple click of your mouse.
13: And the User saw that the fruits of the Windows were nicer and easier to use. And the User saw that any knowledge was useless - since Windows could replace it.
So 14: the User installed the Windows on his computer; and said to the Programmer that it was good.
15: And the Programmer immediately started to look for new drivers. And G-d asked him - What are you looking for? And the Programmer answered - I am looking for new drivers because I can not find them in the DOS. And G-d said - Who told you need drivers? Did you run Windows? And the Programmer said - It was Bill who told us to!
16: And G-d said to Bill - Because of what you did you will be hated by all the creatures. And the User will always be unhappy with you. And you will always sell Windows.
17: And G-d said to the User - Because of what you did, the Windows will disappoint you and eat up all your Resources; and you will have to use lousy programs; and you will always rely on the Programmers help.
18: And G-d said to the Programmer - Because you listened to the User you will never be happy. All your programs will have errors and you will have to fix them and fix them to the end of time.
19: And G-d threw them out of the Data Center and locked the door and secured it with a password.
20: GENERAL PROTECTION FAULT
2: And there were two Bytes in the Word; and nothing else existed. And G-d separated the One from the Zero; and he saw it was good.
3: And G-d said - Let the Data be; And so it happened. And G-d said - Let the Data go to their proper places. And he created floppy disks and hard disks and compact disks.
4: And G-d said - Let the computers be, so there would be a place to put floppy disks and hard disks and compact disks. Thus G-d created computers and called them hardware.
5: And there was no Software yet. But G-d created programs; small and big... And told them - Go and multiply yourselves and fill all the Memory.
6: And G-d said - I will create the Programmer; And the Programmer will make new programs and govern over the computers and programs and Data.
7: And G-d created the Programmer; and put him at Data Center; And G-d showed the Programmer the Catalog tree and said You can use all the volumes and subvolumes but DO NOT USE Windows.
8: And G-d said - It is not Good for the programmer to be alone. He took a bone from the Programmer's body and created a creature that would look up at the Programmer; and admire the Programmer; and love the things the Programmer does; And G-d called the creature: the User.
9: And the Programmer and the User were left under the naked DOS and it was Good.
10: But Bill was smarter than all the other creatures of G-d. And Bill said to the User - Did G-d really tell you not to run any programs?
11: And the User answered - G-d told us that we can use every program and every piece of Data but told us not to run Windows or we will die.
12: And Bill said to the User - How can you talk about something you did not even try. The moment you run Windows you will become equal to G-d. You will be able to create anything you like by a simple click of your mouse.
13: And the User saw that the fruits of the Windows were nicer and easier to use. And the User saw that any knowledge was useless - since Windows could replace it.
So 14: the User installed the Windows on his computer; and said to the Programmer that it was good.
15: And the Programmer immediately started to look for new drivers. And G-d asked him - What are you looking for? And the Programmer answered - I am looking for new drivers because I can not find them in the DOS. And G-d said - Who told you need drivers? Did you run Windows? And the Programmer said - It was Bill who told us to!
16: And G-d said to Bill - Because of what you did you will be hated by all the creatures. And the User will always be unhappy with you. And you will always sell Windows.
17: And G-d said to the User - Because of what you did, the Windows will disappoint you and eat up all your Resources; and you will have to use lousy programs; and you will always rely on the Programmers help.
18: And G-d said to the Programmer - Because you listened to the User you will never be happy. All your programs will have errors and you will have to fix them and fix them to the end of time.
19: And G-d threw them out of the Data Center and locked the door and secured it with a password.
20: GENERAL PROTECTION FAULT
'Tis not original with me, just something I found while scraping the bowels of the inter-tubes quite some time ago. I thought it was clever and saved it.
Is there a *nix version? Given how many people proclaim *nix as being close to perfection while slagging on MS Windows I highly doubt it.
Is there a *nix version? Given how many people proclaim *nix as being close to perfection while slagging on MS Windows I highly doubt it.
The whole earth had a common language and a common vocabulary. When the people moved gateward, they found a plain in Windowland and settled there. Then they said to one another, “Come, let’s build ourselves artificial intelligence".
But G-d came down to see the intelligence that the people had started building. And G-d said, “If as one people all sharing a common language they have begun to do this, then nothing they plan to do will be beyond them. Come, let’s go down and confuse their language so they won’t be able to understand each other."
So G_d caused *nix to be created and scattered this across the face of the entire land, and they stopped building artificial intelligence.
But G-d came down to see the intelligence that the people had started building. And G-d said, “If as one people all sharing a common language they have begun to do this, then nothing they plan to do will be beyond them. Come, let’s go down and confuse their language so they won’t be able to understand each other."
So G_d caused *nix to be created and scattered this across the face of the entire land, and they stopped building artificial intelligence.
Again I'm impressed. Your Tower of Babel is quite clever. We need G-d to decide to destroy this world. A Noah like story. Just for completeness.
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It is an insiders joke. Look up Yahweh, In ancient Hebrew the vowels were not written. Also the name of God was considered too holy to say, so what the vowels were has been lost to history.
Forgive the edit, but I didn't want to over simplify the answer.
Forgive the edit, but I didn't want to over simplify the answer.
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Created Programmers and Users, Adam and Eve.
Bill Gates as the Serpent is especially delicious.
Bill Gates as the Serpent is especially delicious.
*'net searched, found online version, read, saved.*
http://www.canonical.org/~kragen/tao-of-programming.html
It is a long read, worth the time IMO.
http://www.canonical.org/~kragen/tao-of-programming.html
It is a long read, worth the time IMO.
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